Compassion instead of walls: What healthy boundaries really look like
Creating space with kindness - toward yourself and others
For a long time, I thought that setting boundaries meant pushing people away. I imagined boundaries as hard lines, thick walls, and awkward conversations filled with tension. And for someone who deeply values connection and harmony - like many sensitive souls - this made the idea of boundaries feel cold. Maybe even selfish. But over time, through art, practice, and many moments of quiet self-observation, I came to understand something else:
True boundaries are an act of compassion.
Not just toward others -
but especially toward yourself.
Why boundaries are not barriers
When we don’t know how to protect our energy, we often try to please, endure, or disappear. We tolerate discomfort because we think it’s kinder to others. We abandon our own needs to avoid disappointing someone else. But compassion isn’t about sacrificing yourself to make others comfortable. It’s about creating clarity - so both you and the people around you can feel safe, respected, and free.
Walls say: “Stay out.”
Boundaries say: “This is where I begin.”
And that makes all the difference.
Signs you may need softer, clearer boundaries
Sometimes, the need for boundaries doesn’t show up as a dramatic conflict. It arrives quietly:
as exhaustion after a seemingly normal conversation.
as resentment you didn’t expect to feel.
as the feeling of being invisible, even when you’re surrounded by others.
These are signals - not of failure, but of an inner space asking for protection. Boundaries don’t have to look like ultimatums. They can be a pause. A change in rhythm. A new kind of honesty. They can be expressed through art, space, silence, or even a soft sentence:
“That doesn’t feel right for me.”
“I need a little more time.”
“I’m learning to take better care of my energy.”
How boundaries and compassion work together
You don’t have to choose between being kind and being clear. In fact, kindness becomes more sustainable when clarity is present. A healthy boundary is not a rejection. It’s an invitation into a more honest relationship - with yourself, and with others. If someone truly values your presence, they’ll want to understand your limits, not punish you for them. And if someone withdraws because of your clarity, it may be making space for deeper alignment elsewhere.
A sensory practice: Drawing the circle of self
One of the rituals I’ve returned to again and again when I need to reconnect with my boundaries is simple:
I draw a circle. Inside it, I place symbols of what I need to protect - peace, spaciousness, truth. Around it, I add textures: soft threads, sturdy lines, grounding words. Sometimes, I place my hand over the circle and say out loud:
“My boundaries are acts of self-respect and care.”
This tactile practice helps me remember: A boundary doesn’t have to feel like pushing away. It can feel like gathering myself closer.
For therapists, space holders & sensitive people
If you support others professionally or emotionally, it’s especially important to create healthy energetic boundaries. Not just to prevent burnout, but to model what compassionate clarity looks like. You don’t need to be endlessly available to be deeply caring. You don’t have to absorb someone’s pain to witness it lovingly.
Sometimes, just having a small object - a tactile reminder, a hand-drawn boundary card, or a sensory ritual - can help you return to your own center when the room gets heavy. Boundaries can be as much a part of your healing language as empathy is.
This week’s reflection
What does it feel like to be fully within yourself? Where do you notice your energy beginning to fray?
What would one small, clear act of protection look like this week?
It could be silence. It could be touch. It could be a painted circle or a whispered no, thank you.
Let it be simple. Let it be kind.
Need support while setting boundaries?
You’re not alone - and you don’t have to muscle your way into clarity. I’ve created a free guide to help with exactly this:
Built of Light: A ritual guide for energetic protection
Each of the five printable rituals includes:
a gentle affirmation
a reflective prompt
a creative, multisensory practice for releasing, reclaiming, and reinforcing your energy
Healthy boundaries don’t harden you. They hold you. They make space for your softness to stay alive in the world. And that is the most compassionate act of all.
